Hearts & Rocks & Numbers & Thoughts

Sometimes I think I need a heart of stone to live here.

One advantage to living on a farm in the middle of nowhere is that you can sit on the edge of a bunk feeder in the barnyard at sunrise and cry as loud as you like. Nobody is going to bother you.

I had planned to put this photo and its story up this morning, along with some thoughts that have been randomly connecting in my mind. About Lucky 13, who we lost a week ago today. About my brother, who we lost over 100 days ago and who was here on the farm when the first lambs were born last year. About the fact that Snugglebunny (whose eartag is #13) gave birth to the 13th lamb this year and should I give her a name that includes "Lucky" or "13" or would that feel wrong.

About the usual things—love, loss, life.

More below. . .

A Sweeter Sheep You Will Not Meet

Lucky 13
5/28/04 - 4/5/06

She was never without a hint of a smile,
and she was always first through the gate each morning.

That's what happens on a farm--animals inevitably die. But, at least for this farmgirl, even after 12 years it hasn't gotten any easier. Some people would no doubt say I let myself get too close to my critters, but I don't feel that way. They are my constant companions, my dear friends, my family. The joy that knowing them brings me is immeasurable, and that, unfortunately, means losing one hurts so much more. And while I try not to play favorites, some of them just work their way deeper into your heart than others. Lucky 13 was in there pretty deep.

Yesterday morning I thought Lucky 13 was in the early stages of labor. As the day went on, it became increasingly clear that she was not about to give birth, and that something was very wrong. I poured through my books, comforted her the best I could, and administered to her around the clock. When I went to check on her a little while ago, she was gone. I'll never know for certain what the problem was. But I know without a doubt that it will be quite some time before I stop looking for her smiling face making its way toward the barn gate each morning. The photo above was taken on July 14, 2005 but never posted. Please click here if you'd like to see one of my other favorite photos of Lucky 13.

Farewell, sweet girl. You will be missed.

Daily Farm Photo: 8/24/05

Lucky 13 Is First Out Of The Barn Nearly Every Morning